regan's profileWhat can we learn when w...PhotosBlogListsMore  |  Tools Help |
|
|
March 28 hello kittyThe castles melt back into sand that were built to high for our own good.... The emptiness of life renewed from the shock of having to work together building something that gives to our planet and not just taking away I grew up in the shadow of an oil refinery nights i have watched the flame dance pushing its colors to the night sky. The news reports say that all in its wake have become sick the death known as cancer is eating the people in that shadow. People are dying from that fuel thats eating, spreading its cancer everywhere no one is safe from that hidden disease. But corporation is killing and its black soot is in our lungs in her lungs Time has become overbearing and the melody of lets drink, shop and forget has become deaf to my ears. We now are the whoops generation taking anything that promises satisfaction gives euphoria. We are the ultimate in experiments the prime in programming, pushing till we have no will but that is of our nature and you do not want to mess with nature. March 11 a word and only thatOne point in time we held things to honor and respect a time when people didn't act like children. A time when bringing the modern age to the people for benefit not profit. Yes children there was a time people got paid from the banks for using their service. Responsibility has darkened most minds giving nothing to knowledge or credit. Were Failing in paying attention, letting them take control without knowing. We have been suckered with diamonds and the promise of the screen, believing we have nothing to gain, life sucks no pride left in the bunch. Someone else is telling you what you want you may be losing your home but you need something more always more Time is coming that we will have to stand up and take the blame for ourselves stop blaming the past. We can not change it children and living in the mistakes of the past or the blindness of the present. Take responsibility for our actions for once we need to grow up one day. The grave is coming quick if we do not stop partying and see what they have done to things. They have made a mess, from every aspect it will take many years to fix. If we do not act soon we will have handed them total control, please do not let me be forced to live your life I have love and pride over humanity we are all so beautiful and powerful. We need to remember that we are more powerful and very beautiful all leaves in a great story tree Everyone with a unique story you should all try to tell. June 18 This is my true life story i hope you understand who i amLove a word used everyday with millions knowing its meaning I was born like any normal person in this new world buy parents who did not love each other Mother a woman who blamed her little boy for everything that went wrong in her life A form of abuse most people don't talk about constant yelling from morning to night all day long Father a truck driver was never home brothers and sisters ran years before from the evil that is called mom Alone small hiding in a closet covering ears crying screaming shut up shut up I never loved her and no respect for the father who never came home Starting to grow and nurture in that type of environment was hard Many people would become violent or angry at woman I just loved School was always a problem being the only child who really didn't disrespect women Or try to sleep with as many but also never loved a woman so never understanding how Gay is what they called me But in my heart that was not the case farthest from the truth I was angry more at my self then any single person as to this date 34 years and never raised his fists in anger Never hit anyone never shown abuse never scotched feelings by words I was my worst enemy From age eleven that’s when the first started torments from school being trapped in that house The wrists started to bleed All I wanted was attention but when I showed her she did not care A little child with bleeding arms As I grew older the pain grew it became worse I evolved into hitting trees and brick walls Never wanting to harm anyone not even her but I new I had to run So I did from 14 to 19 I ran on the streets Innocent blue eyes blond hair you people cried and gave me money You feed me and clothed me always wanting to take me away and me thank you for that But life was something I did not want I was destructive drugs living on the street never backing down from telling the truth but getting beaten all the same My nose broken my teeth kicked out but you fixed that and I still walked still with love Five years later and a newer man (still nothing but a child in mind) I returned to the house of my terror Quiet was all that I got the guilt on the faces of those two was to much to bare I went for a drink As much pain that happened I was always a fun guy always able to make anyone laugh The owner of the bar noticed me and came to talk This is when I meet you my love You walked in to my bar the boss looked at me and smiled oh what a pig he was He whispered I get her first I was suppose to train her on witnessing but when we locked eyes I got my first taste of love She was beautiful long hair deep brown eyes and I felt her heart from across the bar We talked all night then after work we went down to your house and talked all night She told me her story full of fright and abusive men She also told me that she was married Well threw my life I only had one love that was god He was my everything he was on every word I spoke His book told me about love and family and about adultery But the presence in that room that night was not as simple I fell so hard I figured friends will be good if only that But she also was having troubles she felt the same way love at first site We tried to be friends over a few weeks it was so hard on both of us Then we got drunk Love passion pure and utter ecstasy She left her husband we moved in both religious both so much in love Both filled with so much guilt She only wanting to do right for god and for her family I feeling like a demon who came house wrecking But I was hooked it was a pure drug for me this love thing Off and on for four years we tried you with low self esteem Me becoming jealous because you were so use to flirting oh men lusted after you The pain inside me never left and with this new onslaught of emotional abuse I left Wimping out is a better meaning and I crushed her heart I ran back to the street only now wanting to die even more the drugs almost got But being so strong I survived only fate knows why I smartened up and called the folks they told me she is looking for you She went back to her husband and moved two provinces away but she left a number When I called one of the hardest days of my life she answered with tears in her eyes She misses me and wants no other man me I never touched one woman after leaving her A year we were away then back again in her arms But she was still married and her husband let me in with open arms We tried to be friends for awhile but when love is so strong that failed so quickly You left him again we moved got our own place and tried to begin again But guilt never leaves when you try to walk with the lord We survived for a year but things started to fall apart Coming home from work and always men around They loved her adored her but as she explained to me why worry its you I go to bed with She did not understand the love I felt And ran again I did I looked at her and said you will never find me again I walked for ten years living an asexual life wanting only to help sex was the last thing on my mind Ten years single sex I had but without meaning always leaving right after to show no signs of emotion I found love with her and without her I did not want any other love They called me gay I pursued intellect and knowledge showing that you can give without taking So alone but always with friends I never had a enemy if you sit close you can feel why I radiate love my eyes so gentle my heart so clean Ten years walking talking helping others when they fall never caring about my life I settled in a city called Calgary I tried to have a normal life with a job and a home I tried five times to take my life living there All five I should never walked away from and the last I am sure I died But a week of near death and I woke up and walked away Now with a new understanding of life (it will net let me take the easy way) I started walking again I left for a city called Victoria that’s where I found the hidden island I am living on I found a place of love and wisdom not violence not really crime just a place of peace All this time I was writing to the world to you yelling my woes to all who can read From libraries and schools where they gave free internet Never really did school spelling and grammar so alien to me but with a mind so smart I tried my best to talk to the world but how hard to speak your mind when you don't even know how to form a sentence I designed computers built homes living with a photographic memory never being able to forget But can not place a damn comma I drove you crazy like I am right now bad grammar but you still read and listened Then last week happened a little different I always not able to justify spending money on anything but helping others someone gave me a laptop My friend bob he liked my writing and decided to be a nice friend What a wonderful man I sat there alone looking at this shinny machine my roommate asked if she could use it She was on this site called face book a place to find lost friends I tried it I typed her name There on the screen my love of my life my only joy the only thing in life I truly wanted I clicked friend request and sat and waited She answered it and asked me to call She told me how she got remarried a year after I left How she lasted 7 years with this abusive man then she left only to find more abuse She told me she was single now and living in a home for battered woman She was also 200 miles away For five days I waited for her to get a new place to live so I can visit No men are allowed in that place I left the first day of her new home it took me three hours to get there We talked about life and the things that happened but the wall she built around her was tall and thick It was hard listening to her talk about men all day I told her good night and I went to bed She asked me whets wrong and I told her the truth We cried and then we looked deep into each others eyes I saw something in there I have not seen in all those years it was my heart We stayed up all night holding each other no sex just closeness Telling each other the pain from losing each other My love as I call her she said yes baby I told her I will never leave her again if she will only be mine true love like ours does not even happen in stories I told her I dropped the guilt I walked away from the lord that I blame him for us splitting up she says she understands All she cares about is us My love you have been the only woman for me I never showed any love to any other woman And now your here right now And all i am doing is releasing my heart June 13 sad times walk fast my friendSo the slow hand of goverment is now telling us what is healthy and what is right Act as they say conform remember they are your leaders they know whats right for you Don't look but they are in your kitchen taking your favorite foods away remember we had no choice They try to illegal your vices while they tax more "of course its there drug" they know your hooked! Ignorance as they take what you earn treating you like a junkie shunned and ashamned Mind you drinking is killing someone everyday and thats social everyone except's that? Endless hypocrites sitting back spending your money on the needs of the war not the needs of the poor So How far will the show go on Will they hold my hand crossing the street Access alot of bubble wrap then cover the world so i Don't skin my knee Look in cameras or censor everything that we read and write that i see all to soonKindness is dead bring on the regime Forever Control my loves and they have us on a string blinded by the tv screen and the car in the garage Ask yourself do you really belive you are going to make it big in vegas or is that what they are telling you So are you going to be the next best thing with 300,000.00 others i am sure you will get your shot To be a idol another flake in the pan dropped when stale just another loser with little fans Man the good old life when choices we make where our own Your greed doen't wants to help people that wont pay for the grande estate Feel free to say these words you know you all think it nothing is free well that's what they tell me Ride the paved road going ninty i will be on the side the guy sticking out his thumb In spirit i hope you dont rot Endless soul searching is a good start find your energy learn to use it No more murder and massacare put those teeth away Do as you do just don't hurt others in your wake Set your soul free from this bondage how i want to meet you all June 12 hello again friends! Our lives are so controlled by the past guilt we feel and actions we wont take because we are afraid never living life afraid of what someone or some god might think desperately trying to find yourself in this so called new age of enlightenment not finding the answers you are looking for i am the same i try to understand but money and lust seem not worthy of being called a life then we sit with friends wanting to tell the truth but nowadays we are all hiding something guilt is to overpowering murder everyday how much blood shall we spill till we are happy does the hate make you better or can you really see the true you do you believe you are doing the right thing how can we all be sure of anything thats why we call it learning we make mistakes and we pay the crime some with heartache some with cells violence is the one thing we haven't stopped since we first started writing history is it not time to change the books no more blood on our hand stop hitting the one you love they don't deserve it kill your hate Sometimes for me it looks so easy to change the world a better thought a better goal then money glory and fame a simpler time when everyone is equal no gold to show off to cars that waste fuel but shine so pretty and paving land so the rich can have the better view its time for change get off you knees we prayed for to long the are wasting our planet away while you laugh and say the end is near fore shame to the life you leave your children with no guilt between you all because he forgives you but what about the rest of us make amends and live a better life June 11 shatter when we fall good day to all of you how was your day were you confronted by fears did love pass your way did you follow a good path or did you hurt someone in your wake the choices you make must we live or take we are only defined by our actions not the clothes that we wear the true spirit that resides gets heavy for all that we bare did you phone a friend and wish him well when he is down help someone when they slipped and hit the ground give a dollar to someone who needs it and not operas charity of the month maybe read a good book and helped others with that knowledge or are you charging a fortune to teach a person to fish you are a good person don't let guilt get you weak we all slip we all fall down but unlike the stupid egg that sat on the wall we dont shatter when we fall the colours we hateIt still amazes me that we live in such a alarming racist state people angry about colour how ignorant and full of hate what choice did we have i ask you this do you remember making a list sitting with the creator asking to be white rich and the body of a king asking for all ten toes and fingers to match blue eyes blond hair and oh what a catch this is the true state of reality no rpg to create we are born all the same way that is our true fate rich poor white black yellow blue a face is a face and only true spirits come true you can be evil in any colour ask anyone who has lived on the streets we all walk different in this world we all have certain beats monsters in mirrors we all see ourselves in a different light but anger to anything is not right is it not time to give up this fight love is not achieved overnight it take time learn to tolerate stop watching television they are the ones who dictate talk to someone new and see in his soul you will find we are not that different we just pay all different toles a new changethis is the new day the time to reflect on light when problems raise their fangs we must shrug off the bite put away the little things that bother you guilt is no way to live your life end the stress and forgive all who try to strife people once should be trusted but only from a step money is the one true god and knows its fare share of tears wept families broken up fighting over what there dead parents left bloody hands on punctured chest empty register a useless death we makes mistakes that how we learn everyone has a chance relive or fade out and burn falling on knees speaking guilt to a man what is more wrong in the long sense of that plan just walking animals dominate on space walking in herds looking for there place stepping on toes drowning in the waste sunken eyes we call ourselves a race i hear the argument each and every day banks foreclosing taking families dreams away pawn shops making money off others misfortune governments spending just wasting on nothing children hungry abused and alone natural disasters watching the wind blow i cant sit back i don't know about you trying to manifest peace is a thing we could do brothers in arms all wanting the same goals weapons laid down no walls will be closed money the demon finally shaken off our back a united world now whats wrong with that if its religion that you sit and think that ship needs to be sailed and finally sink its been corrupted over its years the church bends now with the time the only thing that has not changed is the fear of hell where your soul lies hate in there hearts for others who believe different but is not god just that in as many names as you call it how much blood must be spend on who deity is bigger two thousand years and the problem keeps getting bigger but anuff about issues that come up everyday war earthquakes and famine this just isn't our day well stay alive and breath life in anyway change of thought is all i wanted to say |
|
|
