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March 28 hello kittyThe castles melt back into sand that were built to high for our own good.... The emptiness of life renewed from the shock of having to work together building something that gives to our planet and not just taking away I grew up in the shadow of an oil refinery nights i have watched the flame dance pushing its colors to the night sky. The news reports say that all in its wake have become sick the death known as cancer is eating the people in that shadow. People are dying from that fuel thats eating, spreading its cancer everywhere no one is safe from that hidden disease. But corporation is killing and its black soot is in our lungs in her lungs Time has become overbearing and the melody of lets drink, shop and forget has become deaf to my ears. We now are the whoops generation taking anything that promises satisfaction gives euphoria. We are the ultimate in experiments the prime in programming, pushing till we have no will but that is of our nature and you do not want to mess with nature. March 11 a word and only thatOne point in time we held things to honor and respect a time when people didn't act like children. A time when bringing the modern age to the people for benefit not profit. Yes children there was a time people got paid from the banks for using their service. Responsibility has darkened most minds giving nothing to knowledge or credit. Were Failing in paying attention, letting them take control without knowing. We have been suckered with diamonds and the promise of the screen, believing we have nothing to gain, life sucks no pride left in the bunch. Someone else is telling you what you want you may be losing your home but you need something more always more Time is coming that we will have to stand up and take the blame for ourselves stop blaming the past. We can not change it children and living in the mistakes of the past or the blindness of the present. Take responsibility for our actions for once we need to grow up one day. The grave is coming quick if we do not stop partying and see what they have done to things. They have made a mess, from every aspect it will take many years to fix. If we do not act soon we will have handed them total control, please do not let me be forced to live your life I have love and pride over humanity we are all so beautiful and powerful. We need to remember that we are more powerful and very beautiful all leaves in a great story tree Everyone with a unique story you should all try to tell. January 20 And he never left Part 2Things started to get worse for me the lord kept talking but I was doing anything but listening, I was walking but the others hand was blocking my ears and my view he was still whispering in to my ear promising me great lies while taking my life and dragging it to where he wanted me to be low and without god. He showed me the great things that partying can give friends and women sex and confusion. I was unlike any other child I could party with the best of them. Drinking became a tent pole to the pillar I was told I would be I was taught to have fun forget about tomorrow and to not listen to the voice that was speaking threw my soul. I was first laughed at from my peers when I talked about the love of the lord but I was welcome with open arms to the dreams and sins of man. I felt normal a false sense of security a lie beyond all lies, I took that conflict that was battling within me and I left to find my death on the streets, I put myself very low the drugs we plenty even when I had no money to buy them, voices in me would tell me where drugs were dropped where I could find more in empty streets or money to get more. All I had to do was wake up and the ability to get drunk and high was a everyday thing strangers would give me coke or pot the streets we flooded with alcohol a world of 14 years in a slumber a daze of forgetfulness while screaming at the lord who never stopped talking I could not take it any more so the thought of death entered my body. This promise the other said he would give me was just an illusion a way to keep me away from my purpose to keep me away from god. He brought ideas into my head like he was the one who was protecting me for the great things I was going to do he promised me the world and to be the destroyer of that world while in the background whispering on how useless I was how meaningless I would be to the world and my death would help so many to live better lives and I believed him. While all the while I was forgetting the words the lord told me when I was young the promise he told me that he will protect me that he will love me and never lose me in this sea of confusion. I started to believe that I was something special the deceiver that will fool the world and to take his enemies and to bury them in our wake, but deep inside I new the truth but was so blinded by greed I was to stupid to see that he was guiding me down a road of destruction. A cliff I was willing to toss myself off to help the world he made me believe that if I died the world will live longer and that my death will only bring light to others. Those lies have hung around me for many years it was not long ago when those lies were brought to the true light. He first promised me to be a great man but I was a lost soul, he promised me riches but my bed was the ground then he promised me to be a great rock star only to pick up the guitar and I would be the next best thing but that’s when I saw the hidden lie within his words, I did not even know how to play one cord how could I be the next best? Even when the lord was screaming “do not listen to those lies he is only bringing you a false image without me you will be nothing but a tool for him”. You will be nothing great with him but if you let me back in to your soul I can bring you out of that fog, I still did not listen. (Part 2) January 19 And he never leftMy story has many beginnings some of conflict some of joy but nothing different then others who will read it. I was born in the hands of two who were never meant to have something pure to hold, they were not the destroyer but they did not stop him either. They held me at bay and left me in fields to play with the wolf’s only introducing chaos and confusion not love and understand. When I was young a voice came to me and told me I was going to do great things in his name I was going to grow up and become a pillar for god to hold the roof to protect his sheep from the coming storm. He told me he loves me and my walk will be hard but he will be there for me and protect me in times of trouble. After he spoke in to my heart I went to my birth father and asked him who is god who is this one who spoke to me from inside my soul. My son he said as he poured a drink and sat it down in front of me and preceded to tell me who this god was this thing that never helped him. While I started to drink I felt a slow silence within me a numbing if you will, from that point on my father never had a moment that alcohol was not around me and the more I drank the quieter that voice became. In a night of drunkenness at the age of ten or eleven another voice came on to me, a voice so much different from the first voice but calming in its effect he told me I would be a great man and will have great riches and be powerful among other men. He promised me great things and being so young I took him for the first voice but without the love. That spirit entered my soul and brought with it a presence of rebellion of dishonesty and hate I let that spirit bring me in so much trouble it brought sin upon me from thievery to sexual curiosity. My brother seeing the conflict that was within me took me to church for the first time and the lord took me and shook off the spirits that were in me and told me my son you will have to go threw many obstacles and a world full of strife to walk with me, you will be scorned by your peers your own family will forget you and laugh at you but take this as a promise I will never leave you. The Holy Spirit touched me and I shined like a penny full of new again not touched by the wickedness of man. I was blessed with a love that was taken away from me when I was so young. But the other was not going to give me away so easy he new deep down inside what I was going to do as he also knows his time is short upon this world he touched my mother and told her that my brother worshipped the devil that he was a evil man that he was harming her baby taking away the innocence that was her son and will only destroy him. She listened to his lies and took me away from my brother from god and from the fold, which was the church. I again walked in the world of man the booze flowed then the spirit of drugs entered my spirit while god spoke to me telling me how much he loved me how all I needed was to hold him close, and the wickedness of the world will pass and I will be taken a hold and nestled in his arms his caring heart will be the sounds I need to keep me walking true. While the other voice showed me the shine of this world and all the things he could give me I blocked out god and ran to the other with a head full of drugs and a heart heavy with burden (part 1) January 13 unable to find solitude in this veil of artificialI was told the other night that i am a idiot for not understanding consumerism and i should hide under a rock if i do not want to be a part of the greater whole, but what is this so called greater whole?
When i look around and see how the world has turned its back on the things that are right (nature, spiritualism and family values) and focus on the things that are before me ( plastic, cheap and to me a world of illusion) it hurts deep down inside how we can fall for such parlor tricks. Do you not see how phony things have become?
We now live in a sense of gleam and follow anything that makes money, our hero's are as phony as the movies they portray, there values have become our values and when they have no soul what good are these people to tell us how to live. All we are is molds and society has been shaping us since the 1960's with television and movies, you are not this without a ipod you are not cool unless you wear this type of clothes. buy buy buy is the new freedom chant and the worst thing about it is now we have rolled over and let them do this to us. "what are our children going to become when T.V. is there babysitter?" spoiled money hungry people who have no idea who there own identify since they are cookie cut into what society wants them to be a generation of spenders. Only concerned about themselves but not thinking that if they took a little time away from shopping or the idiot box and spent a little time within there community they might be able to do some sort of change.
Yesterday was another waking moment for me, i use to watch this guy on youtube and i thought he was a pretty funny and alright guy. he told the truth and was not afraid to say many things. but i was looking threw my blind eyes and when i opened them i saw what he truly was just another actor selling me stuff that i really do not need to buy. And when i stated that fact to the other people they just told me why not sell products when you have so many people watching? I looked at his little picture above his name and there he was holding a stack of bills and laughing, but i new he was laughing at us. For buying into his crap into his illusion that he hide so well from me let alone anyone else. i always thought i could see threw most bullshit but the way they are bombarding us with images just in the back of the frame or selected names from the lips when used in rants.
i admit i was fooled and i can not believe i let him into my house while he was lying to me (not really in my house i am sure you know what i mean) January 06 another day in my lifeSome aspects of life are so hard to understand, when we are looking for answers more questions keep popping up. January 05 a long line if you fil n the blanks...so we have come back to this trip again you so called people looking for every single meaning in my sentence i have called you out ith my wicked ways and i do not spell against all you can say or become because what is illusion with out the debth of some simple thought and when you figure out the three then you can understand who is me November 27 a question i need to ask?What is it that we look for in life? The gleam of a brand new car, the sparkle in a showcase we are unable to afford the respect from a fellow friend, or the admiration from your peers? Are we not that simple when we put glam and objects before our own soul strength in things we can not hold, value before or hearts? These days of blood and no found glory, idols on plastic pedestals hiding their addictions but telling our children what is right, weakening our own goals with there’s while following paths so stained from failure so unable to see the cliffs that are in front. We sit in designer cages rattling our chains of diamonds and pearls, sulking in corners chalked in police white, while spirits whisper false ideas and broken knowledge. Giving dreams to many but empty is our hearts when we find our golden road, black is our soul when the shine dulls from holding it so close. We forget the true voice that has tired of talking above your head phoned ears and then blame him when things do not go our way. We spit at creation looking only to find the science of it all, but forgetting the beauty and oneness who designed it. We look at the stars hoping to be them but empty and alone they must feel. From something small everything looks big but do you not see the peel in the paint? In this man made world do you not feel the fakeness of it all, does it not hurt to walk where others tried to do great things only to be brought so low. Maybe we all do not know how many souls are starving, its hard to feel when our own spirit is to weak to call to empty to shine a light inside. I fall to you and ask for your spirit to fill this emptiness inside me oh lord this shine does not do me well, this gleam and sparkle only blinds the truth that I need to fill my cup. I have seen the will of your creation the undying love you have tried to show the world. I have spread many tears for the empty ears that do not feel your presence and fight your love. I can not hide in the truth of man any longer; the lies taste so fowl on my tongue expensive prisons that have never held me but brought me so low. I ask of your spirit to free me from these chains I am tired of spiting out pearls, I am tired of the chaos that has plagued my mind and my heart, I only need to rest in your arms Jesus he tried to put out the light in me but you never gave up and from this day I only hold glory in your name fame from your love and kindness from your word. I will never come undone. November 22 as times get older something's still need to shine
this was written awhile ago, some will say that pain and anger should never be shared but i wrote this to help me get threw some of the pain i have been pulling around, and i hope you can share this with others who have come from broken families or confused homes. to my brothers and sisters i love them dearly and i write this not to hurt, but to express the death of the old me and the birth of the man i have become i love the world the lord and the ways i have walked and if i could change things i would not as i love the person i see in the mirror everyday i hope this helps others as it has helped me write it thank you regan I sit looking in my glass this crystal stem holding a reflection pond of past memories Seeing times of loneliness as concrete and strangers the only thing called family Sitting in empty doorways a small child scared waiting in the rain People walking by there faces can not hide the shame or anger Am I really that bad do I not get a chance like your own children? Some of us in life are born with trouble not asked for Mothers and fathers who do not care if death came from a phone call Wallowing in anger hands smashed tears falling as they are now Waiting for love from anyone hoping there is more then this No teddy to cuddle just a rock as my bed a rag as my clothe I walked for years with empty eyes down never able to look at a face Is that child gone or is the pain just a swallow of this wine I can taste? Mother did you think of me in nights of snow and wind Father were your hands missing someone to beat around Did you even blink when they called to tell you that they found your son In some empty alley beaten and raped by the city night Did you cry? Those days are old but the pain still lingers like the moon tonight Full and abusive to the stars blinding in the dark That child still breathes within me but the man now stands With a broken heart and a family of my own Not able to have a child the recollection would be to much a strain Did you even smile when I told you I was married your card did not mean much to me Just words with out hugs just lies with out weakness or fault The family has split they blame each other for the loss of togetherness They still cry in the night wondering if you even loved yourself It’s so easy to walk away from something you create even if was in the name of love Even if I had no love? Now that I have someone to hold I feel stronger inside But I was alone for thirty three years did you not even care A phone does not hold the weight of the world Is it that hard to admit you were wrong? Even as time catches you with grey hair and friends dying around you Those same friends you left me for I will never forget I guess its time to swallow this last reflection I do not need another tonight I will crawl beside the one who loves me and say to you goodnight November 03 I know its long but it does have meaningSo the thing i guess i want to talk about today is change? What is change words from a man or action taken from others, should we just sit back and let things fall into place or look to another for advice. We spend to much time watching others and the way they perceive the world hoping that one day someone will come and fix things for us but when has man had the right ideas. We are to consumed by greed and ego that we can not get past our own problems in life. We worry about our looks and fashion and what others are doing with no time to try to help the little guy but in truth we all are the little guy. I was born in Canada but i do not limit my thinking to just that i am a human born on earth i believe in no borders i believe we could unify this world if given the right push but words alone do not bring change only action. We as Canadians should stop looking to the united states for our answers we should stand up and show the world that if we can make a change within then it may be possible to lead by example. We are close to a united health care but if left in our governments hands they will privatize it and it will cost us more in the long run. How many of us are close to being homeless or like me just enough to pay rent but food is another matter yes i guess i could get two jobs and work the rest of my life to and save every penny so when i hit my parents age i just make enough money to pay rent from retirement. But put the cost of medication and the fact that in retirement there is no health care and you find yourself trying to make ends meet by taking any job that pays just the right amount so it will not be deducted from my retirement check. And we wonder what will happen in the future as the baby boomers all wait in line for there piece of the pie, and what size of slice am i going to get in twenty years?? Our market fluctuates the value of money below value housing going threw the roof and the lack of low income housing to help in this crisis. We need to lead we need to take things in our own hands and stop getting blinded by the illusion of riches and greatness. Not all of us in this world want to be rich i want to be able to have my feet on the ground food in my fridge and time to spend with my family not working all the time so i never see my family. i would like to believe that someone has my back and in desperate times i could go to my government and ask for help with out feeling like scum for doing it. And most likely get turned down because there is many jobs like stock boy that pays ten dollars an hour you have no future or pride but you can still afford macaroni and cheese i am tired of this system and big business what is so hard about changing just a few things 1 when a company like lumber that supplies a whole town with work finds that with all the legal red tape and bullshit that they have to close the doors and fire the people why can not the government come in and buy that company instead of having a whole town dry up and die bring change in the company show them that the systems does care and they will not have move there families from the homes most were born in to a bigger city where more poverty just brings more crime and drugs? 2 Drugs i was born in Canada and all my life i have never seen one Cain field and i am pretty sure in our climate we are not able to grow cocaine plants but why is our streets flooded so much with that drug its eating us right from the core. try bringing a plastic gun threw the border or on a plane we all know the consequences of that action so how can there be so much across this country what are we as tax payers paying for or is our government making a few million watching our low income brothers and sisters drown 3 Crime they hand slap and then push them right back on the street we are the great revolving door and things keep getting worse i am for change but if you steal for food then we need to help you find a way to help yourself but if you steal for drugs then counseling and drug addiction programs should be there to help you but if you have all those things in front of you and you keep stealing with out care for your brothers and sisters then why should we keep caring about you change comes within. but murder and violent crimes should not be swept under the rug they should be dealt with. Now if we had rule one in play we could assign work to people who are trying to make a difference and those who do not want to well then jail with only rehabilitation to help them form back into society not throwing them in a cell with other scum to watch television all day and work out lets take away the privileges that they have i know many of poor who would love three meals a day and cable and a warm roof over there heads Its time to mark a new era of our life time to wake up and see that greed has gotten us nowhere in this life the system is failing and we all will have to do something before it all crumbles around us do we really want to be a bigger America or part of global world change October 29 time has gotten shortLike short fuses our time is burning away quicker then we can run holding sanity like pebbles in our handsSitting on a ridged top snow and gray shallows surround the view October 20 some posts seem diffrentScared sitting in back rooms counting your hard earned pay Majority spreading fear economy lost stocks on the fall Banks foreclosing while we still have to pay our debts The parties over for us and we never even corked the first top Always an escape for the elite while we common dogs get thrown some scraps This never ending battle of anger and suppression This time of shadows and fright Bankruptcy and shame They sit there on the news telling us about how things should be A perfect harmony of science and religion politics and rights All told by some other fish in the stream of things Who can control the uncontrollable? Now they put us to war against ourselves in the name of the president There is no more talk of change its all a race issue from here The stakes have gotten to high and I am afraid of the fall We squabble like hens all throwing the blame or fabricating lies Mine is better then yours As this mockery goes on who is not the little fish and who is just the bait It is not the first time both parties followed some same goal Some selfish scheme But who really can tell the future and if you could would they believe and listen Or get a chance to Would you want to sit back and let things unfold or try to wake from this slumber We have only little time to decide Gone past most ordinary days and time has gone all confused The limelight is stale we have seen to many same snowflakes What more can come as we lag behind As we throw everything away As we come undone October 15 better chance changing diapers then changing our systemWell Canada you did it again. Really now harper? harper really i mean really. a majority even minor is still a horrible thing but what can i say as of right now i am a enemy to my government but that's another story. so we let the swine have more control of our country and it only costed us a few million dollars of our tax money but hey it was worth it right?? I mean all the best for harper and his league of cronies and with bush out of office soon we will be able to see Mr.Harpers face again. So sitting listening to all around me bitch about last nights scam all i can say is what's new we bend over and take it anyway's while smiling and over apologizing for them slamming us so hard buts that's enough of our crappy leaders again as i say lets all revolt and do something about it??
the rhythm of the city an emotionless machine October 12 honesty and the quest for itI have been sitting thinking lately, we live now in a world full of lies rumor and bullshit. We look to others before taking chances and miss out on a whole world of excitement while consumed by our own greed. We have no hero's they faded away with morals and innocence, jut chasing the never ending false dream what we call civilized society. War and famine just coffee talk over laptops, I have sat there all of you blogging chatting and typing away no look at the other sitting beside you. Have you ever thought that the person beside you is one of your favorite poets or even a love over the net, but instead you all gather in groups looking at screens agreeing over the same issues. Over the few weeks i will let you in to a portion of my life and the ways and fate that have shaped my mind soul and life over the past 34 years i am writing this for me and a way to let others understand that we can make anything of our lives even in the worst conditions. We are all a little lost right now i understand blinded by products and the glimmer of false hope on the screen all again chasing false dreams. Honesty if very important to me it kinda separates the animals from the humans in my opinion, and now a day's everybody lies so i am going to spill some truth life is hard do not deny it. Its what makes us stronger it lets us wake up every day smiling knowing that it will not kick you down. Before i go on remember the past is a tool for learning do not grudge against it . We all need lessons in life just this one will not cost you anything i no something free is that not amazing??? Fate to me is a dirty word and when i say this you must understand the circumstances that come with it, i have never had true control over my life fate that dirt whore has blown me around to many times. I spent alot of my life angry from the first day of understanding i remember it all every little secret and myth that came before me. i was a lost youth in a changing world i remember just say no i walked the me generation i am also know as generation x but all labels a side it doesn't escape the path that was laid before me and the world that surrounds. i started my life confused and kept it going threw many years. For some reason i hated life and tried to punish myself in the processes, from gutters to highways i have walked down many roads. I guess it started back to childhood a time that effects all of us they way we learn speak and associate with others........................ time a day away October 03 a little happier this timeWell i have finally escaped the grasp of the evil that was plaguing my marriage and thank god for that. ok so we have the elections Americas the most funniest soap opera ever and the Canadians which as a Canadian a useless circus of blind leading the blind. so i have sat back and watched all that could be said or done by both parties on both elections, watching the American debate with the to head guys throwing blame at each other and one trying to prove who is the bigger sleaze bag. i am sorry and please do not let color get into this statement (because i know it was not my choice to be white and born in a shit hole like to parents well i will not go there but i do know i did not have a choice) because to me its all about the problems not there air bag solutions. but watching those two debate let me ask you this both parties have passed bills for senseless spending both also flip flop over answers only telling you what you want to hear is this a election or are we watching another bad reality show. both singing and dancing for the public eye as i am not a American i can not really say much but i want to say this i would not vote for any of them i do not trust there words and they will only do harm then good for your country. and i hope you all invested in gold and have it in your hands paper will fall and the ole mighty dollar will be nothing more then pretty ass wipe. and for us quiet bend over and take it Canadians also wake up none of them are good for us either. lets have a vote of no vote lets all raise our hand and voice and scream out loud "i do not trust them to steer us right for the future i will not let them destroy my child's life before they even start to walk i will take things in my own hands and do the right thing with the help of my government again thank you for coming bye keep your heads high walk pure and express your voice and your rights respect all especially the children there is to much happening to them they are not getting the chance to grow, love all but at arms length as man can not be trusted just one voice trying to change the world regan September 30 Fuck itSullen and swollen unable to lick my wounds my tongue to dry to even try Only wanting tears for something to drink, only something to grasp The little hamster’s fear of cardiac arrest is not so much a fear anymore Life seems to never stop as late you all act vicious towards us? Sound believable to you, yea me to wasted words with even more wasted breath. I am tired my pillows filled with salt water from deep walks My eyes red from too many suns all dried up from false views Bones broken but still I stand, just one ugly skull when I go This fire running threw me death in one hand the image in the other So low on energy why do you harvest now? I can not run you will not make me I will stand against this pain This onslaught you throw at me your words only designed to hurt Why must I have something to grasp, god world I fall to you now I am drowning When things go to waste and you decide this undoing You all stand around this wooden box of mine This box of empty shells, with a filled floor of busted dreams As they gloat from frothed corners of spittle moistened lips Throw your claws in with this dirt and teeth In a warehouse called my soul my heart is in slow decay Tempted with maggots and supple honey as minds lash in mind Pink I heard you so well goodbye cruel world I am leaving you today Where is my hanging tree filled with hungry crows? My knots of distress something to swing over I am sure missing Its was such a time coming it was well worth the wait You park your boat of nerve in my waters Fish with a blind side of depth I do not want your hand to grasp You can not say goodbye I will say farewell you are not welcome Leave me to lick my wounds Let me bleed tonight I will call you cold tomorrow September 24 what really is wiserI guess first things are in order with out order to begin with make sense well i hope not. what really makes sense now what we see hear or read all someone else's views or goals, all drunken drug fogged chaotic senile poor excuses for flesh and that's only our hero's. So lets all speak and not all at once we do not want ideas to pass around, or search for truth and hope. so all of you who can raise there hand and say i love my self? who has the gusto (such a funny word) kahuna's or the will to lay the track for a new beginning. I am not talking about all you false prophets that babble with false tongues and falter at truth when confronted with it. am talking about the closed hearts that are out there release your heart my heart. we call for jesus or some other cure for the problem we face with out facing it sink or swim we must move some stones if we are trying to rebuild. i have been told to build on strong ground but nothing is what its built up to be, release your heart. Some questions must need be said so ask to the night, to a stranger you are fearful in the night. compared to everyone else there is nothing separating we are all getting screwed and drugs are destroying whatever human decency that is left. we must put aside everything to help others remember it could be you in those shoe soon with one slip. i love you release your heart mine is soaring September 23 i guess a greeting is in orderhello and Apache --- Yatasay Arabic --- Marhaba, Salaam Basque --- Kaixo Blackfoot --- Oki (niksokowa) Bulgarian --- Zdraveite September 16 fade outthe song goes "we fade out again" but that does not mean in real life tayler email me lostrelic@hotmail.com |
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