My story has many beginnings some of conflict some of joy but nothing different then others who will read it. I was born in the hands of two who were never meant to have something pure to hold, they were not the destroyer but they did not stop him either. They held me at bay and left me in fields to play with the wolf’s only introducing chaos and confusion not love and understand. When I was young a voice came to me and told me I was going to do great things in his name I was going to grow up and become a pillar for god to hold the roof to protect his sheep from the coming storm. He told me he loves me and my walk will be hard but he will be there for me and protect me in times of trouble. After he spoke in to my heart I went to my birth father and asked him who is god who is this one who spoke to me from inside my soul. My son he said as he poured a drink and sat it down in front of me and preceded to tell me who this god was this thing that never helped him. While I started to drink I felt a slow silence within me a numbing if you will, from that point on my father never had a moment that alcohol was not around me and the more I drank the quieter that voice became. In a night of drunkenness at the age of ten or eleven another voice came on to me, a voice so much different from the first voice but calming in its effect he told me I would be a great man and will have great riches and be powerful among other men. He promised me great things and being so young I took him for the first voice but without the love. That spirit entered my soul and brought with it a presence of rebellion of dishonesty and hate I let that spirit bring me in so much trouble it brought sin upon me from thievery to sexual curiosity. My brother seeing the conflict that was within me took me to church for the first time and the lord took me and shook off the spirits that were in me and told me my son you will have to go threw many obstacles and a world full of strife to walk with me, you will be scorned by your peers your own family will forget you and laugh at you but take this as a promise I will never leave you. The Holy Spirit touched me and I shined like a penny full of new again not touched by the wickedness of man. I was blessed with a love that was taken away from me when I was so young. But the other was not going to give me away so easy he new deep down inside what I was going to do as he also knows his time is short upon this world he touched my mother and told her that my brother worshipped the devil that he was a evil man that he was harming her baby taking away the innocence that was her son and will only destroy him. She listened to his lies and took me away from my brother from god and from the fold, which was the church. I again walked in the world of man the booze flowed then the spirit of drugs entered my spirit while god spoke to me telling me how much he loved me how all I needed was to hold him close, and the wickedness of the world will pass and I will be taken a hold and nestled in his arms his caring heart will be the sounds I need to keep me walking true. While the other voice showed me the shine of this world and all the things he could give me I blocked out god and ran to the other with a head full of drugs and a heart heavy with burden (part 1)